| er Valentines day is upon us and as we spread | | | | identifying and enjoying certain qualities that you |
| the love this month, how about starting right at | | | | appreciate and think highly of. |
| home with your self? I want to talk about loving | | | | This is why we end up liking people that we are |
| your self. | | | | unlikely to actually meet but are in the public eye. |
| I am sure that you have encountered loads of | | | | You can of course respect someone without liking |
| people who both professionally and personally | | | | them; liking them is to enjoy them. |
| tend to put the needs of others before | | | | This is very similar to the process of liking and |
| themselves. For many people it is an integral | | | | loving oneself. Liking and loving comes from having |
| aspect of their work whereas some people learn | | | | a true sense of self-acceptance; we do not have |
| that way of being during their younger years. | | | | to be perfect model citizens. Your liking for |
| The variety of carers in our society learn how to | | | | yourself will increase once you know more about |
| minimise taking notice of their own feelings in | | | | how you function and learning to accept yourself |
| order to take care of their clients and patients. | | | | as you are, even if you do have issues or foibles |
| People that tend to drive themselves into fatigue, | | | | every now and then. |
| depression or even illness include individuals such | | | | Now have a think about popular public figures. |
| as hospital doctors working ridiculously long hours, | | | | Very often one of the things that continues to |
| high ranking city executives responding to their | | | | draw people to them is not their accomplishments |
| bosses, mothers to their young children, teachers | | | | but the fact that they have frailties and foibles. |
| within schools and colleges, managers of large | | | | This is what so many of the popular glossy |
| companies with lots of employees. | | | | magazines focus on, showing the regular lives and |
| With these kinds of people, because of their | | | | problems of the famous and one of the reasons |
| beliefs about what their role entails, they have a | | | | that people seem to be so drawn to reality |
| habit of putting the needs of the company or the | | | | television programmes such as “Big |
| client first. There can then come a point where | | | | Brother.” It is as if the message is |
| these kind of people do not even notice their own | | | | “look, they are just like us.” We |
| feelings. | | | | see how human other people really are. |
| Where is the love? It is being expended | | | | Therefore, it is as if this process of being drawn |
| everywhere else. I would go as far as to say that | | | | to what makes us human and real shows us to |
| this is potentially dangerous. | | | | be fallible at times. If this works between us and |
| This kind of attitude to oneself produces | | | | other people, surely it can also work inside of |
| conscious and unconscious attempts to take care | | | | ourselves. Actually, it can be a relief to allow |
| of the self in short term ways or ways that are | | | | ourselves to accept any limitations that we may |
| detrimental to our own well-being, including | | | | think we have and even become fond of them, |
| smoking or drinking alcohol or eating too much or | | | | even proud, as long as they are not interfering |
| the wrong things. These things then replace the | | | | too much with our lives. |
| good, direct and long-term ways of taking care of | | | | Enjoying being your self this Valentines day: |
| ourselves. People often try to give themselves | | | | That’s right, as of this very Valentines |
| quick treats, but in a way that can erode your | | | | day, you are starting to enjoy being your self, |
| self-esteem or your ability to attract love as you | | | | this is where the love is. What are the things that |
| find that you cannot go without it, and also these | | | | you do enjoy about the way you are? At the |
| things do not create natural good feelings most of | | | | end of the day, when taking stock of your day, |
| the time. | | | | you can also take some time to ask your self |
| So then what happens is that the teacher leaves | | | | what you most loved most about you today. |
| the profession, the executive gets burnt out | | | | Do include everything, even if it was a small, |
| early, the nurse goes sick with constant illness, | | | | supposedly non-important thing. Perhaps you wore |
| the doctor chooses to work in a private clinic with | | | | a certain handkerchief (you must have been |
| regular hours and pleasant surroundings. All of | | | | bought one that is in a drawer somewhere that |
| these may well be valid, but if they are not the | | | | your great auntie bought you several |
| individual’s choice and they are forced | | | | Christmas’s ago!) because it matched a |
| decisions, it really does nothing for your sense of | | | | new shirt. Perhaps it was something that you did, |
| self. Without a good sense of self, it is hard to | | | | an enjoyable or beneficial interaction you had, or |
| attract love. | | | | perhaps it was even something that you chose |
| So we want to spread some love. | | | | not to do or something that you thought. There |
| Putting oneself first actually means that we are | | | | are so many things to love about the way you |
| then of course in a far better position to look | | | | have been today. |
| after others. If we are fit and well and happy, we | | | | To really get your love for your self flowing this |
| have plenty spare for others. We can give | | | | Valentines day, go ahead and make an official list |
| generously without minding. Putting time and | | | | on a piece of paper that has the heading |
| energy into loving your self is one of the most | | | | ‘I love myself because…’ |
| wonderful investments that you can make. So, | | | | Then make another list that begins ‘I love |
| we want to start getting you to notice you. | | | | … about myself.’ Of course, you |
| What do you like about you? What is there to | | | | then have to add to those lists. Make a long loving |
| love about you? | | | | list of things that can show you all the wonderful |
| Is there someone in your life that you truly | | | | things you love about your self. |
| admire or think a lot of? How about someone | | | | So think of the people you like and love the most, |
| that you really love? What is it about them that | | | | and the people who like and love you the most. If |
| you like or love so much? Stop and have a think | | | | they like you or love you, dare to trust that you |
| about them for a moment. Really think about the | | | | are actually well worth liking and well worth loving |
| reason you like them so much. | | | | and of course you are worth giving some love to, |
| I am sure that some of you may have | | | | and then dare to like and love your self as they |
| responded with that old chestnut “I just | | | | do. Go on, I dare you! By the way, you do not |
| do.” Now whether you are consciously | | | | have to only allow that love on your self on |
| aware of it or not, there are more reasons than | | | | Valentines day, do it all the time and notice what |
| that. I am positive that you could come up with | | | | an amazingly loving Valentines day you have next |
| lists and lists of amazing qualities that you find | | | | year. |
| likeable in others. Liking someone involves | | | | |